HORN OK PLEASE

The first thing you expect to experience in India is the notorious traffic and the unique Indian driving style. And trust me, Mumbai will not let you down. Driving is so on the edge, that navigating through the streets of Mumbai, feels like a constant collision in the making. The city lives in the absolute boundaries of entropy. But miraculously, nothing ever happens. Cars, buses, cabs, motorcycles, bikes and people, they all become one heterogeneous crowd that manages to share the city.

However, in a city of eighteen million people vehicles and people are on the move, around the clock. And Indians are not exactly the most disciplined people you will encounter. That means for example that it is impossible to apply the western rules of savoir vivre and allow every pedestrian to cross the street whenever they feel. That would simply paralyze the entire city. On the other hand, drivers have to be aggressive, to fight for their right on the street. And they do that because if they don’t somebody else will definitely do. That is the way it works in Mumbai.  So, they will strive, and accelerate, and sneak in, and they will push it to the edge, until the opponent driver yields and surrender.

The main weapon for this battle of streets is no other than the horn. In India, it doesn’t matter how fast or powerful your engine is. Horsepower is of minor importance in the streets of Mumbai. After all, where are you going to go? There is no much space to accelerate or speed. The dominance of your car over the others relies entirely on the power of your horn.

Indians are blowing the horn non-stop, no matter what. They will use for the reasons that the rest of the world does, plus any other reason that you can imagine. They blow it when the green light goes on, when they want to overtake another car, to warn another driver that there is no f* way they are moving aside so they ‘d better think twice. They blow it to warn pedestrians to run for their lives.! I feel sometimes they blow it to keep them sharp and awake, or just because they feel that they are somehow boosting their speed.

The funniest part though is this writing you see on the back of almost any truck, van or bus. It says: “Horn OK Please”. The first thing you will think is that this makes no sense. It’s because it doesn’t. No matter how many people I have asked, no one was able to give me a plausible explanation. I have concluded that this is one of those multi-meaning phrases, equivalent to those articulated by prophets, like Pythia in ancient Delfoi in Greece. Just for the history, Pythia used to tell to the person that was visiting her for advice, a phrase that could have so many interpretations, that finally she miraculously always predicting the future. This way, she maintained her fame intact, the money just kept on coming, and she was peacefully enjoying her ancient hash at the foothills of mount Parnassus.

Likewise, Horn OK Please could either mean that: “You are absolutely welcome to blow your horn at me, so go ahead”, or one could perceive it  as: “No matter how hard you blow your horn on me, I really don’t give a damn”, or it could also be something like,:“Please go easy on the horn, I have sensitive ears”. No ne knows! It is like a tradition that you don’t know its roots or meaning but you blindly follow it because your great-grandfather used to ride a camel with the Horn OK Please written on the camel’s ass!

Surprisingly..not, there is a Wikipedia post about “Horn OK Please”. According to this digital magician of our tribe (Wikipedia), the trucks that used to run on kerosene after the World War II, had to write it on the back wing: “On Kerosene”. The main characteristic of kerosene is that it is super unstable and the minor collision would trigger the explosion of the vehicle. And this is where the “Horn Please” comes in. The driver of the truck was warning the following vehicles that his car is running on kerosene therefore they should warn him in case they would attempt an overtake, so that he won’t make any sudden move that would cause an accident. There are a couple of other stories there, but I don’t really think anyone truly knows what this is all about. This is just another of India’s great mysteries….